Just pitiful

In a phrase, my blog-keeping has been just pitiful. I need to find the original cord to the camera. You might think I've had plenty of time but it just hasn't been a priority. The posts are much better with pics and the creativity flows more. Tori is about to turn one and I feel lost. I need to cement my feelings on this blog and let them go. I am an emotional wreck when it comes to the way time flies with my children. I try to wollow in the baby times and make quality time often, but there is no stopping the clock. I will be back on here very soon. I need to be. In a sense I am lost without you, blog. I need these moments in print.

blogger's block

I am seriously suffering from a block. I need new energy and motivation to blog again.
Stay tuned.

My President

Footage of him reaching out his slender brown hand to shake those of the ladies seated adjacent to the door surfaces in my memory over, and over again.
He stood at the burger joint for one reason... lunch.
He bought the staff's entire lunch with money of his own that he earns being the leader of the free world. That's some receipt.
He embodies everything I have ever been taught-no one is better than the other, you have to work hard to make a buck, and it is totally possible to make dreams a reality.
The man wants to bring more peace to the world than there was yesterday, he wants to help this struggling nation feel like a part of a whole instead of individuals who have nothing in common.
My generation are a people with memories that consist more of sitcom television plots than real life experience. We have no disillusions that we are a commodity and are being passed around to the highest advertising bidder when a new show our demographic is keen to.
We will buy anything if they put it in the right package.
But, I also believe that we are absolutely up for the task of doing our part. Conservation? Absolutely, we like being "green". It's a color, no it's a verb, we like it!
Peace? Hell yeah.
Can we have special concerts and wear the sign on every piece of clothing imaginable? Sure thing, we'll do that.
Help out in our community? Oky Doky, just tell me a web site to search and I will get right on that for you Mr. President, sir.
I thought that I would lose my umph after the election, but that's not it at all. He is surrounded by an aura of cool and gifted with the language skills to convey what people in this day and time need to hear to move their asses.
Hopefully this isn't totally off the subject, but there was a baby boom in 2007 even larger than the original one.
Pro: our social security will be taken care of.
Con: the time for change in every part of the spectrum is upon us and haters are going to hate themselves when they see the good that hope brings.

i'm stupid

I still haven't found my USB cable to put pics on here and that's just stupid.
I am suffering from TMS again and I haven't gotten out the book that heals me or asked for any help and that's even more stupid.
I'm making extra money on ebay and really have no handle on how to price things or what strategy on what to do next because I'm so fatigued and in pain that I truly don't care.
Stupid.
I lost my credit card because of having a loose grip on the aforementioned.
Eh hem, I call this very stupid. It turns out I canceled it before anything crazy could happen so, I do get back 1 smart point, but there's really little excuse for all this stubborn stupidity.
Ugh!
Now, I have to go because I just remembered my cat is sitting at the vet waiting for me to pick him up.
Probably need to remember that, Genius.

Figuring it out

This blog will have pics one day soon. I have to find the USB cord and get it together, I know! That is my goal for this coming week. I obviously missed color week, but who says I won't make my own color week. If you figure out anything while being a SAHM it is that time is measured differently in the kid-o-sphere and I rarely even know what day it is so there is obviously no rush unless someone's life is in danger.
I've also figured out that Tori is a person. Yes, I knew she was human and had a personality and she likes a routine; but she actually has preferences in what book we should read her at night, what toy we should play with next and so on. She's not the sit-back-and-watch-big-sis-make-the-rules type. She wants us to know she's here and wants her say. Very cute things are coming from Tori lately. She calls just about everything a "buh" and she loves it when Bella runs around or goes too far in the store and I frantically coax her back to me. She tries so hard to say Bella but all that comes out is "ellllelllellla" in a cute, excited, squealy squeak.
She walks so well it makes me giggle. If I was more social I would take her to all my friends and neighbors house and say, watch this! She is short (not for her age) and it's like a baby doll just stands up and stomps around. I love the sound of her bare feet smacking against the hardwoods and watching her from behind as she slowly makes her way down the hall to play in the best room in the house- Bella's room. It's better than almost everything in this world.
Bella is imagination station lately. Today she took a pretend bus ride, spaceship adventure to the moon, laid on her island by the (baby) pool, and hatched out of her dinosaur egg for the the thousandth time.
Since school ended I thought we would have a problem explaining to her why she's not going anymore. She's so well adjusted and easy to reason with that she figured it out on her own and when I told her we would see her friends at the neighborhood pool soon, she was happy. She does get bored with staying at home. She goes down a list of all the people we normally visit to ask if we can go see them. And soon I hope to take her there. Illness has trapped us here lately. Two ear infection and a sinus infection do not make for easy anything.
I am content here for now just enjoying the heat wave and evening thunderstorms. I hope this summer is fun, a bonding experience that I will remeber forever, and that there will be many more just like it.

great

We're all frigging sick again. I cannot wait until we start dipping in chlorine water every day to kill the recurrent colds and viruses. It seriously sucks to be sick at the same time as your children because you yourself need rest to take care of the sickly little ones. I feel like a pile of poop and resent every healthy person today.
Oh yeah, I want to do color week pics so I am really going to figure out how to work Tommy's computer.

Red lights flashing

Outside the neighbors house sits a fire truck and ambulance ready to carry an elderly man to the hospital. I wait and watch the crew enter the house in the same fashion they would enter their own home. They walk not run, and they chat instead of calculate their procedures.
Moments later they exit with the man on the gurney in the exact fashion they entered. He has no wires, he's sitting up and is awake.
I don't know why I had to watch up until the moment they drove away but I did. I usually do. People generally do.
A day will come when I have to worry about ambulances and frantic, hectic moments with a sick parent or possibly another family member. Because of my mom's diagnoses, I am assuming this will happen to and with her, but that's not necessarily destined. I really didn't know who was going to be on that gurney when they came out. It could have been the elderly wife who seems to be in great shape. She picks up the paper every morning. She fiddles around in the yard with her daughter. Her daughter lives there and has since I moved here four years ago.
The daughter is approximately 45. She appears to be a spinster since she has no husband and children that I know of. Anyway, she could have been on the gurney instead of her father. That's why I had to watch.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I often think of my parents along with their health, their past and futures.
They don't know this, but sometimes I write their eulogies in my head. Sometimes it's too hard to even fathom anyone I love dying, so I do it now just so I am not wordless when the day comes. I will admit that I do my mom's more than the others because I assume it's imminent and I wish that weren't true.
My mother and I seem to be striking a balance lately. She sees that I am not an open book and that I don't like to be, and I actually can't be everything to anyone because there are so many people around that I love and want to have a piece of me/my girls.
In times like this, when the drama is low, she's easy to love. She speaks gently with understanding and without judgment or insult. She goes out of her way to lovingly help. For instance, on our anniversary, she babysat at our house and when we came home the house was a bit cleaner than when I left. Bella's laundry was put away and she was generally happy, which is nice to see. She has a touch, both literally and figuratively, that is tender and beautiful. It's the other side.
This side is my favorite mother.
She can only be truly personified with long stories over wine so that is why my thoughts go where they go. I see myself in the car behind the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I imagine what would be going on in the home if it were me or mine. I am not ready and never will be. One might say, "Who is?". I have no idea but I think this way. As dark and pessimistic as that is, it just is and there is no real way around it.
I hope our neighbor is okay and makes it home tomorrow. I know it could have been me there waiting with bated breath for help to arrive and that stirs my emotions. I know how scared they must be knowing that his body is the way it is and it will eventually give out.