After my last post I realized something...I am so excited that I can hardly stand it. I am getting back on the most joyful and fulfilling roller coaster a woman can be on and the power and significance that it has on my life is lifting my soul up so high that it's scaring me.
Bella is still a baby to me. When she says a new word it's as if we are seeing the ocean for the first time, it's remarkable. This tiny being has grown and come so far that she will soon speak to us in sentences. I know it sounds like we never expected this but in a way it is surreal.
This is a pic of us during her first sleep smiles. During this period I had no other responsibility but to feed and pamper my newborn. I loved so much about it and remember so little which is weird because it felt like it went on forever. What will it be like next time? What will it be like with Bella?
I have become more comfortable with the fact that this will probably be very hard and very stressful at times and taxing on my nerves. But, I am still scared. After last time I have chronic pain symptoms, I carry a different shaped body, I rarely get out to do for myself, and that's all fine, but I don't want to be an emotional mess to my kids.
Tommy asks me sometimes, are you sure you're ready for this?
If I were to yell YES! and grin with ignorance wouldn't he wonder about my faculties?
Oops...I almost went off on a rant again. I am trying to look positive here and it won't help anything if I start delving into what I went/am still going/after 18 months cannot figure out what's wrong with me/ through.
Truth is, inside my soul I never thought that I would be so lucky. So lucky to have the health, wealth and happiness that fills most of my daily life. There is too much for me to be thankful for and sometimes I forget to look at it with the eyes of the humble Christian that I am and say, I really have it made.
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