Off to the Blue Ridge

Tomorrow Tommy and I are going on a mini-va. We need this time to relax, sleep late, let Bella miss us for a little while and breathe some mountain air. I also have a little project to do while I'm there. I want to write an article about the B&B we are visiting. We have been there a number of times and it really is a sweet little place. Each room has a balcony, a fireplace and a view of the mountainside. Ahhhhhhhhhh, refreshing.

The Rabbit Died!

I'm pregnant! If it were 1950 the rabbit would die when inoculated with my hormones. But after 6 tests we have no dead rabbit just one test with a very faint pink line in the result panel. Whew, a sigh of relief for the conception of baby2. You never really know if it will happen and I am ecstatic.

Today...

I am in pain, from Yoga or TMS I'm not sure, perhaps both. Trying to keep up with the office work on my own, I am captain of the ship today. Longing for time with Bella to play with her and teach her new words. Wishing it were Friday, that I was already pregnant (I have taken 5 tests and all neg.), and needing a glass of wine and some gourmet food.

(That reminds me of this picture. My in-laws are very spirited Italian folks with a bottle for every occasion. They brought us champagne [none for me], great cheeses and crackers to the hospital when Bella was born. I have never seen such for the birth of a baby. My friend Nora brought the tulips. )

You know, I may not have a positive preg test but I do have sore, swollen tatas, I ate a pretty large bag of beef jerky in 2 days (first time for beef jerky in like... 8 years) and a craving for caffeine. Could be PMS again. UGH:(

I Vow

This should make some of you laugh...I am vowing not to let myself go when I get pregnant.

I know. It's sounds naive and cocky and...well...stupid. But, I owe it to myself. My arms were like pancakes and my back like a 90 year old after I gave birth and consequently for the next ten months I had little success exercising without pain.

I want to give myself a leg muscle to stand on for what's probably going to be the craziest, most exhausting time of my life. After the first months of Bella's life I developed the TMS symptoms that plagued my arms, neck, back and shoulders with pain. I remember doing jumping jacks without my arms and pushing through push ups knowing I'd PAY for that later. I'm definitely paying for something, and that's why I want to have a handle on this if at all possible.

God please grant me the strength, the knowledge and the will to mold my body to handle the gifts that you may choose to give me.

Be Happy Or I'll Scream

I have ravaged an hilarious book called Be Happy Or I'll Scream by Sheri Lynch. The belly laughs were aplenty and I wish that she wrote 4 more books so I could have them to read during every spare minute! There are few things that will keep me from watching Grey's Anatomy, well from any TV program really, and this book had me enveloped because of the true and hysterically raw situations and "adventures" with her family. As far as I know the book is nothing but truth about Sheri's own marriage and children. She is the primary breadwinner as she is a radio personality on 107.9 The Link on the Bob and Sheri show. This is the kind of book I would like to write mostly because it's the kind I like to read. After I read the last 20 pages I will shop and shop for books as good, or even half as good, to give me words, laughs and understanding about my own family.
Even if you just read a chapter a week, it will keep you wrapped up because of the reality show-like visuals she describes.
She also wrote Hello My Name is Mommy which is about her experience with pregnancy. I'm sure she'll have me in stitches, because everyone knows there are some strange things that go on in the pregnant woman's mind and body.
(No, I'm not pregnant yet.)

Love

Yesterday, Tommy put his arms around me and said "I love our life." That makes a woman beam with pride that she-even though she may seemed frayed at times-is keeping up and not letting her relationship fall to the wayside. I have no delusions of perfection, more like learning to live and love normal imperfections. We deserve to be at this point. There are few things that still bring us to fight and most of the time we are careful with each others feelings and sensitivities.
Anyway, I just wanted to dote on him because I think he is being really sweet lately and I know we are on a bit of a high. Any day now there could be a positive First Response pregnancy test waiting in the bathroom, but not yet. I am enjoying the possible last month of my body being...well... independent and singular. I am excited and anxious and beaming but it's kind of like Christmas Eve. I remember most of my pregnancy with Bella. I remember sleeping at work and wanting to vomit when I brushed my teeth and the bad skin. I just can't wait to hear the heartbeat and find out the sex but then again I can.

Crappy news

I was going to blog about this article...

Remember: Skills can be learned, but your passion is a part of who you are. The reality is you can do whatever you want to do and set your mind to do. The old adage, "Do what you love, the money will follow" is actually very good advice. It may take some work to reveal what you're truly meant to do but, if loving your career is important to you, your efforts will be a valuable investment in your future happiness.

I have an inability to follow my passions or even acknowledge that plenty of women have a home and children and start to follow a passion even later than year 29. I really have this on my mind right now.

But, this all takes a back seat because one of my great friends has tried for a long time to become pregnant, she finally did and then she miscarried. My heart is breaking for her. I have said so many times that I am lucky, as are all my friends with kids, to have had a healthy pregnancy and baby. It just isn't a guarantee. I was worried a lot about this last month but worry is not good for attempting to become pregnant and I realize that.

Amy, I hate that this happened. I wish you peace and many opportunities to make and carry healthy babies!