Today marks Tori's 3rd week. She is thriving and growing fast. It's hard to believe that it's already been that long. BUT, it really isn't that long at all. You see, I have been feeling pressure. I don't know if it's me being sensitive or if it's real, but I feel like I'm being pushed. I need more time to heal. My body is not ready for even the smallest outing with both of my kids by myself. My emotions barely handle the mundane, much less the dramatic. And, I certainly can't be trusted with responsibilities further than me and my baby. I need more time.
The pressure comes from all around. Bella pressures me to play and horse around and some of that is fun for me too, but to her there's never enough.
Tori pressures me. She needs more milk now. I am pumping only and I have to stimulate that milk with more pumping. It takes a lot of patience to sit and pump ten times a day.
Marriage produces pressure to stand up and be the partner that you once were but certainly are not at this moment.
Family and friends pressure me to call and keep them abreast of every little thing. I can't remember what day it is sometimes and people are getting their feelings hurt because I haven't called, invited or sent pictures. I haven't even begun to design a birth announcement... GASP!
I just can't move fast enough for some people. It's all because I'm not ready.
I need more time. I'm almost 30. Not 20. I can't be held up to old standards. I just can't.
2 comments:
Hi, Julie; it's been a while since I've checked in. Congratulations! Tori is beautiful, and Bella looks so big!
I know it sucks right now, but I promise it will get better. Going from one to two is a HUGE change. And you will get through it, I have no doubt. Just keep on keepin' on, mama.
I agree with Jenny...it does get easier. For the first three months, I was in survival mode. My goal was just to get me and the girls through another day.
Please try not to feel too overwhelmed. It does get easier...eventually.
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