Improvise

As I sat at my desk eating cereal with a fork this morning because there were no spoons, I realized I'm going to be doing a lot of improvising for quite a while.
Reporting to my job every morning is painful. My arm pain that was diagnosed as TMS is back. I don't know why, but it came back right when my mother said she was going to Hawaii.
I certainly didn't improvise being nice about that but somehow my body reacted. This may not be TMS.
This may be hormonal. My tendons are drunk with relaxin and have the right to be sensitive at this point. But, why when I sleep?
My morning:
Wake in pain throughout the wee hours before dawn.
Eventually look at clock if arm will support body without me crying in pain.
Tear off Velcro on carpel tunnel splints that I have to wear because my damn fingers hurt.
Place feet on the floor and rise to standing position cursing the Lord for giving me this pain AGAIN to handle without medication.
Find toilet.
Think to self when will this go away? I can't go through this with a new baby. Why did it chose me?
Get showered and dressed without hurting right arm more. Left arm seems to move with pain too.
Brush teeth. Think to self am I going to have to brush with my left hand...that's not possible.
Fix hair.
Stretch...and think, let's go little arm I don't have the patience for this.
It's either work through the pain or lay back down and cry about it.

The day continues and I continue to improvise... directing myself: "be the happy go lucky worker, mother and woman who feels no pain."

Throughout the day the arm pain will come and go as though it's warmed up and the muscles or tendons are feeling better.
But, I know that in the morning it will be there again and soon I am going to crack and really get fed up. I feel myself very close to that now.