No focus

I've been trying to blog for days now but every thought goes just as quickly as it comes. I even tried to post Halloween pics last Friday, a week late mind you, when an anomaly occurred. Even if I explained it it would baffle you, it was essentially a computer error.
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Bella was Minnie Mouse and Tori was asleep in the stroller for Halloween. We went trick-or-treating in our neighborhood and found out that we had to walk quite a distance just to hit up a few houses for candy for our two-year-old, which I really don't even want her to eat. It was very fun and worth it for the memory and the exercise.
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I miss reading and the time to myself so, at the library last week I borrowed The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. What an awesome story, I truly loved listening to it and I will definitely be borrowing more audio books in the future. I am not a romantic but that story warmed my heart and I can't wait to get lost in another book soon.
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My big girl, Bella, is testing me more lately. She gets so jealous when we hold Tori. She will refuse to speak to us and she whines and pitches more fits than ever. I look at old pictures and remember her as a one-year-old and think about how perfect she was. She NEVER acted out when she was the only child. She was sweet and loving and now she is changing and I could just mourn the loss of her babyhood. I will never forget how my first child and I bonded and how sweet and affectionate she used to be. I hope that comes back and SOON.
Sigh.
I love her so much.
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Tori is testing us too. She wakes every morning at 4:30. She depends on us to replace the paci or feed her, even though she's not that hungry.
She has learned that if she cries Mommy or Daddy will come. It's taking its toll on me and I am realizing that we need to get tough and fast. Tough I am not. I will have to pretend.

The holidays are creeping up and more milestones are on their way. My grandmother used to ask me to stop growing up. I promised her I wouldn't get "big." I find myself asking that of my girls. I just want to freeze time some days and just live the same day over and over.