The nectar of life

Goodbye to another summer evening. I am soooo not ready for August. Time is fast forwarding and I can't keep up. My girl is getting huge. Every evening when I get her ready for bed. I see her clothes getting tighter. Her little hair is grown into a full mullet. I trimmed her bangs but I think I made it worse. Her sweet little feet call me to kiss and tickle and pretend to chew them. She's talking a lot and building towers with her blocks. Books and Bella are the best of friends and the more the merrier. "Booh" (Pooh) bear is her fave. I cannot wait to have another one but that means that nine more months will go by and this Bella will then be playschool aged Bella and I am not ready!



I remember coming out of the newborn blur. I would hold her and rock her a little before I laid her down for the night (aka 3-4 hours) and she was so simple and perfect and I said to Tommy "Take our picture." I wanted that moment to last forever. Awwwwwwww. She was so drowsy and cuddly. Tommy thought I was being weird. What's so werid about having a picture of me putting my quickly growing baby to bed? What is weird is that I had a long cry right after the picture was taken because I realized that all those sleepless nights were going to end, and every night after her bath I was going put her to bed and when I woke up it would be another day. And that meant that I was not going to get to look at this baby, this way, for the rest of my life. I never thought that I would want that but I did.



On the flip side....



This past weekend was one of the best and worst weekends I've had in a long time. Saturday we decided to have friends over and the drinks were flowing. Bella was safely asleep. My friends, sometimes rowdy they may be, were beginning to be too rowdy for my husbands taste. He got upset.

I got upset at him for getting upset. Makes sense, huh?

Anyway, we all left and Tommy stayed home. He did not care that everyone else left but he was hurt beause I left.

I had a blast. As soon as we got to my friend's house we put on boxers and t-shirts and climbed the fense to their neighborhood pool to took that most delicous midnight swims you can only get on a July evening. After a couple hundred bad dives off the diving board we made the hilarious attempt to climb back over the fence and help each other over without dropping anyone.
Whew! That seems like it would be enough. Nope, we fired up the grill and made 8 hamburgers and 3 hotdogs with toasted buns. I had to really keep my eye on the grilltenfer since were all overserved.

Those were the most delicious hamburgers I have had in a long time. Any food mixed with that many laughs and fools all in the same place just tastes better.

Eventually we had to rest and the time was about 4am. We crashed and then the sun rose. I awoke in a king bed with 2 girls and my eyes were dry and I was so thirsty. My belt and underwires were cutting into my skin and I could only manage one uncomfortable position. I was sore from the diving but even more I was aching to see my girl.

I took my friends car and home so everyone else could sleep, I cleaned myself up a little and waited for Bella to wake up.

My husband barely spoke to me all day. I didn't care though. I had gotten away.

Summer is passing and I need to have fun with it. This time next summer I will be back in my maternity clothes and I hope not to be climbing any fences. But, that pool was like the river from Eden! I wish my husband could have shared it too.

Here's where it turns.

I go to take a nap around noon, because I was working on 3 hours of sleep. The phone rings and rings and rings. My mom was freaking out. She didn't want to be alone. I have stated before that my mother tends to work my nerves. Well, that doesn't mean I can ignore her desperation to be with me because of a problem that has haunted her for too long. She has now temporarily moved in. It's a damn good thing I got in my fun time because I am really in for some stressful moments. I'm not trying to be pecimistic I just know my mother. Helping her makes me happy but I lose myself in doing it. She has a personality disorder so, difficult is a big understatement. I must sign off before I go in to too much of that and lose my fun high. I hope I am wrong about her visit. I really do.

Like a pig in mud...

Lately I have been reading a lot of wonderful writing. It refreshes me and makes me tap into my imagination and grow stronger as a thinker and writer, though I don't write very much at all. By simply e-mailing a high school friend I am now able to read about the fascinating happenings in the lives of people I may never meet. My mind sometimes wonders to them and I think about what they might be doing at that moment. Writing is a true passion that I do not pay enough attention to. Books are like candy and the more twisted and extraordinary the better. People fascinate me. I have always loved to just sit and "chew the fat" and talk about things that one doesn't talk about at work and with their spouse or loved ones every day. It's necessary to unload once in a while and let your story be told. I have a story that I need to tell. This is not the correct forum. I am constantly searching for the way to begin my story. How am I going to get it out there, what vehicle will come to me and help me get it out? I often think that today will be the day that I start writing but, then I sit on the moment too long and the phone rings, the baby bonks her head or I'm not motivated enough. There are a lot of factors that keep from from writing but I use them as excuses. Once I begin, it will be more work to keep going and as it stands today, I don't have the time. When will the time come? Maybe it's all a sign that I should wait. Maybe the story is going to get better and isn't ready to be out yet.
Ramblings? Yes.
Unnecessary? No.

Blahg

Lately, I have been feeling like my blog is more like a blahg. I have been challenged with time to sit and really write. This is part of an ongoing problem. I am trying so hard lately to fit things for ME into my schedule. I am trying to workout more, write more, visit more, and yes work more. I don't know how much more I can fit in. There are so many things I think I am missing out on if I don't take the time to plan on doing things for ME. I have found one problem, some of the things exclude Bella. That doesn't make me happy. I can't take her to the gym, she freaks out in the nursery. I do go to the home computer and sit and write (now and then) but I always end up feeling guilty if she is awake and I am not instead, spending the time with her. And to top it all off there has been a lot of talk at my house about planning the next baby. Jees! I am really feeling the squeeze here. It kindof crimps my creative mind. I am finally feeling like I have the sense of a normal life since Bella was born. I have gotten nearer to my pre-baby body (not near enough) and I am sad to think about how that has to change for baby2. To conclude, I am trying harder with this blog so I may jump on some of the ultra cute blog ideas bandwagon. And, I am very excited about the baby2 chatter and I almost cry instantly when I think about it. It's just one of those things. How does one prepare to be the arms and legs of another person, still have to be everything but to a wild one-year-old and keep herself on the schedule??? I'm not coming up with any other answer than this: I just have to close my eyes, jump in head first, and see what happens.....haaaah....exhale.

Backyard Dwellers

We are really trying to beautify our backyard to make it more fun to look at and Bella wants to help too! I spent a lot of last week organizing, touching up paint, planting, cleaning and trying to fit in fun between it all. There is so much left to do but, as long as I keep getting the precious moments with my daughter, I will love every minute of it.

Vacation?

I have been on vacation since the 2nd. But, I haven't exactly vacated anything. We decided not to go anywhere though I had the whole week off so I spent some quality time with friends and family. I had a great 4th. I went to the lake without Bella. I was so happy to relinquish the parenting for that fun holiday. Of course I didn't want to miss her reaction to the fireworks, so she and Tommy joined us later on the boat. She loved the fireworks. She sat so still and quiet. She was mesmerized. I am not looking forward to going back to work but it's inevitable, and I know Bella is missing the days with my mom. She has grown taller, smarter and her motor skills sharper right in front of my eyes. I was not too distracted to notice the little things. All-in-all I am glad we chose not to leave home and go visit out-of-state or pay the expensive hotel rates at the beach. I loved my non-vacation vacation.