Happy Halloween!!

Have you ever seen a ghost?
I have.
It was in the early morning at an old house in the Chantilly neighborhood of Charlotte. I was sleeping in the bed with my father and stepmother. (I sneaked in during the night.) And I awoke because of some noises in the house and the light of the morning was beginning to flow through the windows. My eyes slowly opened and there stood an apparition in the right corner of the door way. He was not beaming with grayish white light.He wore knickerbockers, what we would call a golf hat, and a white button down shirt. He said nothing and his expression did not change. He was indifferent. We think he was about 10 years old, from the 1920's and he probably lived in that house or neighborhood. I say we because I was not the only one he revealed himself to. Charleen ( my Stepmother) saw him at the foot of her bed one night watching her as she slept. She was not afraid but alarmed and knew the boy was neither alive nor threatening. The Elizabeth neighborhood is the most haunted part of Charlotte. It's also one of the oldest and Chantilly is not far from there.
How did I know I was not dreaming?
That morning we had visitors. My aunt and cousin from Maryland were in the living room and I was not aware of their plans to be there in that part of the morning. I saw them there as I watched the ghost turn around and exit the doorway. This is one of the most amazing memories of my life. Imagine living your whole life, since you were 5 or 6 years old, knowing for a fact that ghosts were real and that you had seen one. I knew. I was neither scared nor turned off. As a matter of fact I was intrigued. I burned it into my memory forever and share it with whomever will listen.

Only 247 more days to go

There is a part of being pregnant that I forgot about. There is so much information on the Internet and so many ways to log or view logs of embryos at every stage. It can become an obsession. I signed up to receive e-mails about it. I started a pregnancy "ticker" and I signed up for anything that I could find with free samples and free magazines. I loved getting that stuff when I was pregnant with Bella. I was prepared a little more because of it. I didn't know what kind of formula to use, or what to do for a colicky baby or when the stage of the most weight gain would be. Before the info overload I just thought that I would figure it all out with my common sense. My baby wasn't going to be hard and I would nurse her until I ran out of milk. HA! I wish. I definitely had a colicky baby and I barely had any milk for a while. The support I get from reading those is far better than racking my brain trying to remember things that happened to my body almost 2 and a half years ago. On the flip side it does make for a long pregnancy. It may be an enlightened long pregnancy but 247 days is a bit of a stretch. I prefer to know the weeks and when I will be the most nauseous and gain the abundance of my weight-15 to 35 pounds- here I come. (I hope it's 15...HA!)

My pregnant body

Well, I should have saved all the money on those home preg tests, I think the random gagging would have tipped me off. I don't remember the symptoms of pregnancy hitting me so fast the last time. I am very hungry in between my dry heaving. I think my eyes are changing because things look a little fuzzy sometimes. I know the changes are temporary so they are wonderful to me right now.
I have been so crabby that I will be lucky if my husband can put up with me through this.
With the recommendation of a friend I have chosen an OB. He is supposedly very nice, gentle and caring. All very good qualities of an OB! I have to go to a different OB than the one that delivered Bella as he no longer works with the group I saw last time.
Oh yeah, I have a cold again. That's not unusual though. I have had about 10 colds since Bella was born. I think it's stress. I obviously have a problem with it.
We are still flying on the high from the novelty and excitement. Later that will wane, I remember the feeling that pregnancy would never end. I was so ready to have Bella at the end that I thought I would never get into that delivery room.
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We did go to the mountains and I have some great pics that I will post as soon as I can. I will not be writing an article about the Inn we visited since the promise of publication became far out of reach over the weekend. It's a long story so lets just say my Mom ruined it for me.
She was dating a guy who had friends in the magazine business in Boone. I thought I was a shoe-in. She showed out and lost that boyfriend. Oh well.
I want so badly to get an easy break. The promise of publication has to be in place to get me to write well. I have come to that conclusion. Sad.
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Over the Summer I wanted to go back to school. I picked 3 things that I thought that I would enjoy doing and I decided to research them. I came to the conclusion that I would go back to school to be an English teacher and apply to CMS since they allow you to be in training while teaching. This would help me out 3 ways. I could brush up my skills while teaching children have my Summers off and eventually write more, possibly for a publication. So, I applied for 9 teaching jobs and prepared to get the call to interview as well as register for school. None of that happened so we decided add to our family instead. I am so happy with this choice. I can still do those things if the desires persists and I have a feeling they will.

Off to the Blue Ridge

Tomorrow Tommy and I are going on a mini-va. We need this time to relax, sleep late, let Bella miss us for a little while and breathe some mountain air. I also have a little project to do while I'm there. I want to write an article about the B&B we are visiting. We have been there a number of times and it really is a sweet little place. Each room has a balcony, a fireplace and a view of the mountainside. Ahhhhhhhhhh, refreshing.

The Rabbit Died!

I'm pregnant! If it were 1950 the rabbit would die when inoculated with my hormones. But after 6 tests we have no dead rabbit just one test with a very faint pink line in the result panel. Whew, a sigh of relief for the conception of baby2. You never really know if it will happen and I am ecstatic.

Today...

I am in pain, from Yoga or TMS I'm not sure, perhaps both. Trying to keep up with the office work on my own, I am captain of the ship today. Longing for time with Bella to play with her and teach her new words. Wishing it were Friday, that I was already pregnant (I have taken 5 tests and all neg.), and needing a glass of wine and some gourmet food.

(That reminds me of this picture. My in-laws are very spirited Italian folks with a bottle for every occasion. They brought us champagne [none for me], great cheeses and crackers to the hospital when Bella was born. I have never seen such for the birth of a baby. My friend Nora brought the tulips. )

You know, I may not have a positive preg test but I do have sore, swollen tatas, I ate a pretty large bag of beef jerky in 2 days (first time for beef jerky in like... 8 years) and a craving for caffeine. Could be PMS again. UGH:(

I Vow

This should make some of you laugh...I am vowing not to let myself go when I get pregnant.

I know. It's sounds naive and cocky and...well...stupid. But, I owe it to myself. My arms were like pancakes and my back like a 90 year old after I gave birth and consequently for the next ten months I had little success exercising without pain.

I want to give myself a leg muscle to stand on for what's probably going to be the craziest, most exhausting time of my life. After the first months of Bella's life I developed the TMS symptoms that plagued my arms, neck, back and shoulders with pain. I remember doing jumping jacks without my arms and pushing through push ups knowing I'd PAY for that later. I'm definitely paying for something, and that's why I want to have a handle on this if at all possible.

God please grant me the strength, the knowledge and the will to mold my body to handle the gifts that you may choose to give me.

Be Happy Or I'll Scream

I have ravaged an hilarious book called Be Happy Or I'll Scream by Sheri Lynch. The belly laughs were aplenty and I wish that she wrote 4 more books so I could have them to read during every spare minute! There are few things that will keep me from watching Grey's Anatomy, well from any TV program really, and this book had me enveloped because of the true and hysterically raw situations and "adventures" with her family. As far as I know the book is nothing but truth about Sheri's own marriage and children. She is the primary breadwinner as she is a radio personality on 107.9 The Link on the Bob and Sheri show. This is the kind of book I would like to write mostly because it's the kind I like to read. After I read the last 20 pages I will shop and shop for books as good, or even half as good, to give me words, laughs and understanding about my own family.
Even if you just read a chapter a week, it will keep you wrapped up because of the reality show-like visuals she describes.
She also wrote Hello My Name is Mommy which is about her experience with pregnancy. I'm sure she'll have me in stitches, because everyone knows there are some strange things that go on in the pregnant woman's mind and body.
(No, I'm not pregnant yet.)

Love

Yesterday, Tommy put his arms around me and said "I love our life." That makes a woman beam with pride that she-even though she may seemed frayed at times-is keeping up and not letting her relationship fall to the wayside. I have no delusions of perfection, more like learning to live and love normal imperfections. We deserve to be at this point. There are few things that still bring us to fight and most of the time we are careful with each others feelings and sensitivities.
Anyway, I just wanted to dote on him because I think he is being really sweet lately and I know we are on a bit of a high. Any day now there could be a positive First Response pregnancy test waiting in the bathroom, but not yet. I am enjoying the possible last month of my body being...well... independent and singular. I am excited and anxious and beaming but it's kind of like Christmas Eve. I remember most of my pregnancy with Bella. I remember sleeping at work and wanting to vomit when I brushed my teeth and the bad skin. I just can't wait to hear the heartbeat and find out the sex but then again I can.

Crappy news

I was going to blog about this article...

Remember: Skills can be learned, but your passion is a part of who you are. The reality is you can do whatever you want to do and set your mind to do. The old adage, "Do what you love, the money will follow" is actually very good advice. It may take some work to reveal what you're truly meant to do but, if loving your career is important to you, your efforts will be a valuable investment in your future happiness.

I have an inability to follow my passions or even acknowledge that plenty of women have a home and children and start to follow a passion even later than year 29. I really have this on my mind right now.

But, this all takes a back seat because one of my great friends has tried for a long time to become pregnant, she finally did and then she miscarried. My heart is breaking for her. I have said so many times that I am lucky, as are all my friends with kids, to have had a healthy pregnancy and baby. It just isn't a guarantee. I was worried a lot about this last month but worry is not good for attempting to become pregnant and I realize that.

Amy, I hate that this happened. I wish you peace and many opportunities to make and carry healthy babies!