Figuring it out

This blog will have pics one day soon. I have to find the USB cord and get it together, I know! That is my goal for this coming week. I obviously missed color week, but who says I won't make my own color week. If you figure out anything while being a SAHM it is that time is measured differently in the kid-o-sphere and I rarely even know what day it is so there is obviously no rush unless someone's life is in danger.
I've also figured out that Tori is a person. Yes, I knew she was human and had a personality and she likes a routine; but she actually has preferences in what book we should read her at night, what toy we should play with next and so on. She's not the sit-back-and-watch-big-sis-make-the-rules type. She wants us to know she's here and wants her say. Very cute things are coming from Tori lately. She calls just about everything a "buh" and she loves it when Bella runs around or goes too far in the store and I frantically coax her back to me. She tries so hard to say Bella but all that comes out is "ellllelllellla" in a cute, excited, squealy squeak.
She walks so well it makes me giggle. If I was more social I would take her to all my friends and neighbors house and say, watch this! She is short (not for her age) and it's like a baby doll just stands up and stomps around. I love the sound of her bare feet smacking against the hardwoods and watching her from behind as she slowly makes her way down the hall to play in the best room in the house- Bella's room. It's better than almost everything in this world.
Bella is imagination station lately. Today she took a pretend bus ride, spaceship adventure to the moon, laid on her island by the (baby) pool, and hatched out of her dinosaur egg for the the thousandth time.
Since school ended I thought we would have a problem explaining to her why she's not going anymore. She's so well adjusted and easy to reason with that she figured it out on her own and when I told her we would see her friends at the neighborhood pool soon, she was happy. She does get bored with staying at home. She goes down a list of all the people we normally visit to ask if we can go see them. And soon I hope to take her there. Illness has trapped us here lately. Two ear infection and a sinus infection do not make for easy anything.
I am content here for now just enjoying the heat wave and evening thunderstorms. I hope this summer is fun, a bonding experience that I will remeber forever, and that there will be many more just like it.

great

We're all frigging sick again. I cannot wait until we start dipping in chlorine water every day to kill the recurrent colds and viruses. It seriously sucks to be sick at the same time as your children because you yourself need rest to take care of the sickly little ones. I feel like a pile of poop and resent every healthy person today.
Oh yeah, I want to do color week pics so I am really going to figure out how to work Tommy's computer.

Red lights flashing

Outside the neighbors house sits a fire truck and ambulance ready to carry an elderly man to the hospital. I wait and watch the crew enter the house in the same fashion they would enter their own home. They walk not run, and they chat instead of calculate their procedures.
Moments later they exit with the man on the gurney in the exact fashion they entered. He has no wires, he's sitting up and is awake.
I don't know why I had to watch up until the moment they drove away but I did. I usually do. People generally do.
A day will come when I have to worry about ambulances and frantic, hectic moments with a sick parent or possibly another family member. Because of my mom's diagnoses, I am assuming this will happen to and with her, but that's not necessarily destined. I really didn't know who was going to be on that gurney when they came out. It could have been the elderly wife who seems to be in great shape. She picks up the paper every morning. She fiddles around in the yard with her daughter. Her daughter lives there and has since I moved here four years ago.
The daughter is approximately 45. She appears to be a spinster since she has no husband and children that I know of. Anyway, she could have been on the gurney instead of her father. That's why I had to watch.
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I often think of my parents along with their health, their past and futures.
They don't know this, but sometimes I write their eulogies in my head. Sometimes it's too hard to even fathom anyone I love dying, so I do it now just so I am not wordless when the day comes. I will admit that I do my mom's more than the others because I assume it's imminent and I wish that weren't true.
My mother and I seem to be striking a balance lately. She sees that I am not an open book and that I don't like to be, and I actually can't be everything to anyone because there are so many people around that I love and want to have a piece of me/my girls.
In times like this, when the drama is low, she's easy to love. She speaks gently with understanding and without judgment or insult. She goes out of her way to lovingly help. For instance, on our anniversary, she babysat at our house and when we came home the house was a bit cleaner than when I left. Bella's laundry was put away and she was generally happy, which is nice to see. She has a touch, both literally and figuratively, that is tender and beautiful. It's the other side.
This side is my favorite mother.
She can only be truly personified with long stories over wine so that is why my thoughts go where they go. I see myself in the car behind the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I imagine what would be going on in the home if it were me or mine. I am not ready and never will be. One might say, "Who is?". I have no idea but I think this way. As dark and pessimistic as that is, it just is and there is no real way around it.
I hope our neighbor is okay and makes it home tomorrow. I know it could have been me there waiting with bated breath for help to arrive and that stirs my emotions. I know how scared they must be knowing that his body is the way it is and it will eventually give out.

To the One I Love

It was warm with wistful breezes the afternoon we decided to say our vows in front of God and our families. The setting- a beautiful cathedral in the oldest neighborhood in Charlotte. The priest- one of the kindest people I could have asked to officiate our wedding. Our loving vision became reality as we set out on a new adventure in life as husband and wife.
The pure and raw love felt between two hearts grew to become the family that we now share. This home exists because we made a plan and that was only the beginning.
We left the church beaming with excitement about what was around the corner.
Our first daughter was born 9 months and 6 days later. As a woman I felt alive and whole. The man I married was truly passionate about our family and able to endure me at my worst. We built a foundation with each other to secure our bond.
We scratched our way through tough times and reveled in the good. We knew that finding someone to successfully live with, and share children with, and work through stress could be difficult; but somehow we knew, long ago, that we have what it takes. When Bella held our proverbial hearts in the palm of her hands we thought we found our calling. God gave us this magical child because we listened to Him and found each other, we worked hard at our relationship and we were granted this gift. So, we asked him for another.
Tori was born 10 months and 11 days ago today.
The light in her eyes can only be appreciated with lingering stares. Wow! This child is ours too? We have now given two people life because we decided 4 years ago today that we were going to happily devote this love and humbly follow the path He put us on and leave our hearts open for the adventure.
This path is beautiful. The views are spectacular and I couldn't ask for better company.
Thanks for the best four years of my life, Babe. I know there will be many, many more.

Libraries, briberies and photo ops

Lately, we've been on the go. Good weather and kid friendly opportunities have been plentiful. I need to learn how to post pics with Tommy's computer. I realize it isn't difficult but I uploaded all my pics, even the recent ones, to my (ex)work computer. Silly. I shouldn't have done that but that computer is so familiar. So, I'm going to have to fill in previous posts with pics when I get back to that computer sometime in the near future.
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I need a lesson on discipline. How does a mother take her children to a library and actually look for books? They are so loud and restless! Plus, I am breaking my back with the baby carrier because the alternative (i.e. stroller or carrying baby) is just as painful most of the time.
And, how does a parent keep from bribing their kids?? I have little or no success with (what I like to call) Super nanny methods.
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I am really loving being with the girls every day. They are so funny and beautiful.

Conversation

Sometimes we speak briefly and only refer to the current happenings because we don't know what else to say. Other times, though, we get into fun conversations about the past that's being buried further into our memory with every passing day. Summers passed is our favorite subject. We can talk about old beach vacations, silly antics even dangerous adventures taken by (what my dad would call) two little dumb girls. Sometimes we talk about the same story over and over just to get every bit of entertainment value out of it possible because it's what we did in our first years of pseudo independence that crack us up more than anything. Some might call them glory days. I call it priceless girl talk with one of my best friends. Thanks for the memories, Leslie.

Goings on

Some noteworthy things are happening around here. Tori took a step and a half last Sunday April, 26th. Tommy saw it, I was busy cleaning. Ugh.
Bella and I were watching a singer performing on Dancing with the Stars Monday night and Bella said she wanted to earring just like him. Wow, I never thought she would want earrings like some guy on TV.
Also, we've been enjoying the weather by walking Bella to and from school as much as possible. She "graduates" from her class May 20th and I know she will miss it as much as I will. It's such a great break from the monotony for us.
Being home is making me a bit of a clean freak. I have Spring cleaning fever and I am scrubbing and organizing so I don't have to look at a mess while I run around at mach speed for the girls.
I've loved being home the past weeks. My Sahm work is never done but there is no deadline and that's the best part.